Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
