Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
