A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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