Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
