The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
