absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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