I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
