Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
