Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
