The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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