Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
