and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
