Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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