Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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