DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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