So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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