dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
