Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
