I just made out with a guy for $7.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
