Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
