i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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