Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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