How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
