Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
