why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i came on her dog
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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