Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Randomize
