Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
