Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
