i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I need to align my fucking chakras
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