So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
