yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
