He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My life is pants optional.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
