Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
