i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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