it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
