I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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