So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
