Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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