Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
