y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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