i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
