do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
