Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
