before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
