We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
