The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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