bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
