i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
