Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
