i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
