Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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