I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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