we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
