We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
