I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
