I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
